can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
