i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
