sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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