I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
worst night to have a conscience
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
