I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
