Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
