you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
