I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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