Screwed.edu
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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