Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
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EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
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Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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