yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
