remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
