so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
