Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
