Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I bet he comes in French.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
