Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
