i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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