So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
