...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
