I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
this beer tastes like vomit already
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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