and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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