I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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