I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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