im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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