just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
