Me. At least after what I've been through.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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