im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
