I bet he comes in French.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
