mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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