I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
