I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
