Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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