took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
