i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
