I just made out with a guy for $7.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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