is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
