I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
