im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
