I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
