awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
