how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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