I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize