i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
