Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Did I show you my penis last night?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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