so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
