At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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