I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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