The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
