We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
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He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
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Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off