I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...