Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants

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  (619): We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants http://tfl.nu/owqu
  Replies (15) Good night (7762) Bad night (787)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.

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  (843): By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours. http://tfl.nu/tce7
  Replies (17) Good night (1724) Bad night (5683)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?

  (214): View more from Texas

  Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?

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  (903): u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird? (214): Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb? http://tfl.nu/cbow
  Replies (87) Good night (1771) Bad night (5115)
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  (626): View more from California

  They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes

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  (626): They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes http://tfl.nu/n6ba
  Replies (9) Good night (4218) Bad night (1046)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?

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  (570): do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless? http://tfl.nu/2m3m
  Replies (10) Good night (5185) Bad night (831)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.

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  (352): there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up. http://tfl.nu/1vah
  Replies (13) Good night (3852) Bad night (1087)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm

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  (954): I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm http://tfl.nu/muws
  Replies (8) Good night (3876) Bad night (1210)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM

  (909): View more from California

  I'm scared to ask why.....

  (509): View more from Washington

  1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.

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  (509): I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM (909): I'm scared to ask why..... (509): 1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare. http://tfl.nu/ztpp
  Replies (13) Good night (4927) Bad night (1016)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.

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  (773): After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in. http://tfl.nu/8v36
  Replies (11) Good night (1525) Bad night (2816)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.

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  (720): Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated. http://tfl.nu/fo7q
  Replies (4) Good night (1557) Bad night (675)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.

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  (517): all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings. http://tfl.nu/fkoc
  Replies (5) Good night (2393) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock

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  (571): So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock http://tfl.nu/1xfu
  Replies (3) Good night (1649) Bad night (861)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!

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  (404): It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff! http://tfl.nu/0n5x
  Replies (5) Good night (842) Bad night (375)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs

  (602): View more from Arizona

  My work here is done

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  (520): I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs (602): My work here is done http://tfl.nu/ashb
  Replies (2) Good night (865) Bad night (308)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.

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  (941): she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that. http://tfl.nu/ju83
  Replies (0) Good night (359) Bad night (239)

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