so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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