He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
