she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
