The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
