May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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