in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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