nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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