you're like a bully in the Christmas story
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
