But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
