you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
