The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
