I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
