Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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