my sisters under your porch take her home
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
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screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
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Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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