***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i drank out of a bidet.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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